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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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hi all sensitive subject- I wondered if you feel that your libido has taken a nose dive. I know that I have been poorly and you need time to feel remotely like it again. I do find my husband really attractive but just no desire what so ever to go any more than a nice snuggle up. I never thought I would be like this! really it is since Bernice was born. before I got pregnant with her we had a good and active sex life. The err, urge, just does not come anymore and really I would like to do something about it but have no idea at all where to start. Are you the same? Is there something I am missing and could try? Any support appreciated. Jenni xx how to be a velvet bulldoser
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 1,524 Location: W. Yorkshire
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My first thought on reading this Jenni were are you sure you should be even thinking about sex right now? You have been very ill and even in someone without RA I would imagine it would take some time to feel 'better' enough to want to even contemplate it. I suspect it has a lot to do with tiredness too-also do any of your meds have this side effect do you know? YES I'VE CHANGED, PAIN DOES THAT TO PEOPLE.
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 690
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Hi Jenni,
I know this is sensitive subject, but sweetie you do make me laugh. With all that you have been through and have on your plate, I'm not surprised that your Libido has taken a nose dive. If you've been like this since Bernice was born it might be worth while having a chat with your GP to see if the old hormones have gone back to normal. However, I'm also thinking that the Addison's disease might play a role too.
After I had my daughter I did not feel attractive, felt that my body had changed and was no longer mine, (I breast feed for 2 years) and it took a while for my libido to return. The main thing I want say is that it will come back and to be patient. However, there are somethings you can do to speed things up and will e-mail to tell you what might help.
Love,
Barbara
XXXXXX
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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hi again!
its alright- Im not going for a marathon sess this wk!
Perhaps I didnt put it too well!
I think when things are more settled here- I would like to spend some time looking after myself and my relationships (marriage included) are part of this.
I wonder too if the hormones post pregnancy are to blame- i think the addisons has similar effects of depressing hormones.
Why are our bodies so complicated?! I am always shocked by how much of our personal feelings, emotions, drives etc are all very physically based.
Jenni xxhow to be a velvet bulldoser
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 714
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Jenny
I was interested to read your post. My Husband and I have both experienced bad health in the last 3 years and really sex has gone out of the door for us at the moment. However, we both agree that there is much more to our relationship than sex and I think it has brought us closer to together in a funny way. Both of us are still not in good enough health to be able to enjoy a sex life. We joke about it and make it light hearted. Even my 13 year old Daughter joins in when we joke about popping upstairs for a quicky. She says "Don't be silly Mum you might put a hip out and it really is a lot of bother booking a crane!!".
My Husband and I have both decided we are not going to worry about this "non sex" thing. If the truth be known I think that a lot of people find at some time in their life, their libido may falter for one reason or another. I think the secret is to relax about the subject and let nature take its course.
Take care
Jackie
xxx
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/7/2009
Posts: 176
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Well put Jackie! It is well known that depression affects libedo, and on going pain often 'de-sexes' a person, but neither affects the love you feel for another. As far as you go Jenni, you and Richard have been through so much recently. I think you intention of couple time is excellent.
Mind you - I have also been told that near death experiences often highted desire - you never do anything by halves, so your mind might well be making promises your body can't fulfil.
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 856
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Mine went a while ago -to be honest it hasn't really bothered either of us and our marriage is a strong and close as ever.
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 331 Location: South London
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Apparently chocolate is a good substitute something to do with chemicals. Mind you I prefer tea and cake but I love my babe more.  I had a lemon curd cheesecake yesterday  naughty but nice 
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/28/2009 Posts: 39
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Hello Jenni, I think that it is very brave of you to approach this subject. I'm no longer in a relationship and glad of it at the moment. At least, i don't have to worry about the sex part of my life as my libido has left me awhile back!!  But, i guess that libido is definitely higher when your health is good. If this bothers you still when you get better, be as brave as you've been here and talk to your GP about it. I think that you could take oestrogen cream that could do the trick, but again your GP would be best to advise you on this. Good luck and let us know of the outcome when you get round it  Linda xx
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Rank: Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/18/2009 Posts: 19
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Jenni - just to add my two penneth worth!!
Did you know that one of the side effects of Addisons is a reduced libido???
Well it is and once you have some treatment things should sort themselves out. I was like that for most of last year I have to say and now the steroids are working I am getting back to normal. Very difficult with everything you have been through and how ill you have been but it will come back :)
Mary x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,740
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 Well since all my health issues and then hubies we both have lower libido me the worst affected like yourself want this to change. we had heart to heart discussion so other half understands when carnt. bless you for thinking of this. a important part of any relationship. melly cuddly cats make my world seem so much more fun
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 872
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As well as side effects of conditions loss of libido can often be a side effect of medications we take, i agree with others - talking works wonders...  Also, i heard the end of a discussion on the radio the other day and apparently scientists are now debating if the G spot actually does exist or whether it could be much better described as being all in your head.... i actually think that's very true - i think its all in the limbic system of the brain myself - a fascinating subject as this is connected with emotions, conscious self, pain, pleasure and much much more and also including sense of smell i found out recently..... For more details: webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/limbicsystem.html
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 872
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link should work but u have to copy and paste i think...
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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Thanks for all your responses.
It is not a topic readily discussed and it feels a little uncomfortable for me, but it is an aspect of RA that I cant talk about anywhere else!
I am working on adding physical contact so we are holding hands etc more and things will improve further once the various issues here are not so acute.
thanks again
Jenni xxhow to be a velvet bulldoser
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